The Most 90's-Est: Part 1: The Begining-ing

Dear Readers, it's been a long dark night of the soul here at Phoning It In Industries. Dr. K, Phil Looney & Chris Sims threw out the challenge to the blogohedron to find the most 90's-est cover and I knew I had to have something that could be in the running. Church's entry, I must admit was a blow, I mean really, that's just insane. For a man who recently made his local papers because he was giving away his comics to keep something like that on-hand is just amazing.

Anyway, so the kids were away, I figured that Friday nigh would be the perfect time to delve into the deep recesses of my deeply disorganized file-boxes full of comics and unearth something to make me feel the true meaning of shame. Here's the time-line of my Friday evening:

7:05 - "Allright, let's get to work...ooooo Amazing Spider-Man #319, you look promising. Eh, not quite, but a nice try for McFarland anyway.

7:13 - "Ooo, a bunch of ROM issues, I'm sure I have close to a full run, better star pulling those out."

7:18 - "Cool, voodoo doll Moon Knight, gotta stop and page through this one."

7:23 - "Hmmm...will have to pull the Essentials out and re-read some of that stuff."

7:30 - "WTF! Starriors!"

7:38 - "Sweet, Secret Origins Featuring Ambush Bug, I'm totally reading this!


7:39 - "Thought him up indeed, you guys are a bunch of cards. Can't wait for Year None."

7:42 - "Trust is done with, time for some Tommy Keene."

7:48 - "Now that is a cover I cannot deny, throw it on the pile!"

7:52 - "Why the hell do I feel drunk, I've only had two beers? Oh, no food since lunch."

8:05- "Mmmm, frozen pizza"

8:05:21 - "HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT!"

8:17 - "Well, that may not be the 90's-est, but gosh-darn Dubby, that sure is 90's:"

8:21 - "What the flying fuck, Sledge Hammer!?!"

8:22 - "Seriously, 15 year-old me What he hell is wrong with you that you bought that...for a dollar! I'm sure there was some street drug you coulda tracked down."

8:26 - "I only have two issues of Dakota North? Damn, gonna have to track those other three down."

8:32 - "Truth be told, get Liefeld o re-draw this cover, and there you go..."

Wolverine, Punisher, Spider-Man...and Brother Voodoo = GOLD!

8:43 - "OK, this is getting disheartening, no foil, no embossing. Not a single goddamned Image title. Did I get rid of all those? Hey, where's my 90's Cage? Did I sell that at a garage sale? Shit, I hope not."

8:48 - "G.I.Joe #21, gotta read that."

8:52 - "Dammit, this is depressing, I thought I had worse taste than this during my teens. I mean, I bought a copy of Adrenalize for chrissakes!"

9:02 - "Well, that's close:"

Let's see, we've got:
-Wolverine
-Unnecessary pouches
-Smoking gun
-Rob Liefeld
-Smokin' stogie
-Belts, belts, and more belts.
-No feet
-Eyes are inexplicably red, so the artist (such as he is) doesn't have to, y'know, draw eyes.

Unfortunately, this book is from 1989, so I guess it doesn't count. But, damn it, I'm on a mission, looks like I'm hitting the quarter bins tomorrow. Let's see what depths of hell I can descend to then. Pity me!

*Special thanks to the Grand Comics Database for helping my crappy scanner from having to do too much work. Piece of crap.