Sunday, August 24, 2008

Laying Odds: Secret Invasion!

I'll be honest, I'm not really interested in Secret Invasion. I got the first issue because it was 75 cents and I've read through the other four issues at the shop to take a look at the current "shocking reveals!". The thing with the series is, that the whole thing is based upon the "everything you know is wrong!" way of shocking storytelling. That means to me, pretty much everything in the first seven issues is going to be bullshit, and maybe, if we're lucky, there will be something like a resolution in the last issue. But I'm not hopeful since neither Civil War or House of M ended with one. The one thing I am sure of, is that there will be some type of deus ex machina that sets everything right at the end, and odds are, it's one Bendis can point to at the end and say, "If you'd read all of my stuff, you would have seen this coming." Now, I don't really believe that he's planned this far ahead, but he become so damn ubiquitous, there's enough of his stuff from five years ago at Marvel to allow him a pretty wide swath, so here are my odds on who we're going to see pop up on page 30 of Secret Invasion #8 ad make us all say (with varying degrees of delight/anger) "WTF!":

Scarlet Witch: 3-2

Pros: Let's face it, she's been set up for redemption ever since Bendis's first big "event", Avengers Disassembled, so it'll make sense for her to pop up to save the day here by saying "No more Skrulls."

Cons: Runs the risk of replacing Superboy PUNCH! as the all time winner of BS auto-retcons.

Nick Fury: 3-1

Pros: Well, prior to issue #3 and after, I would've given him lower odds, since he's been set up ever since Secret War to swoop in and save the day. But, since he resurfaced, he's done sweet FA.

Cons: This would mean that Marvel's done something interesting with Fury, they've been resistant of this since the 1970's.

Spider-Woman: 5-1

Pros: Apparently she has an on-going leading out of this series, so I imagine that they'll have her do something worth-while in this book. She's one of Bendis's pet characters.

Cons: Seriously, Spider-Woman? I knew she was lame when I was five.

Thor: 8-1

Pros: Well, since the Thor that JMS brought back is not really the Thor anyone remembers, they could bring back the "old" Thor to much fanfare.

Cons: Retconning Thor for the second time in a year could really piss people off.

Captain America: 10-1

Pros: They killed him in the last big event, it makes sense that he returns to the land of the living to wipe up the next one.

Cons: I have a feeling that Cap's return will be told in his own book, not tabbed onto the end of an event book. Plus, everyone know that it'll be a far better story if Brubaker is left to his own devices.

Reed Richards: 10-1

Pros: A) He's the smartest guy int the Marvel U, so it would figure. B) He did, kinda, start this, so it would figure that he'd end it?

Cons: Well, since he made a gun, that apparently, kills Skrulls (whop-de-do!) in ish #5, I figure that they blew their wad on having Reed save the day, so it's not likely.

The Sentry: 12-1

Pros: Marvel's most powerful head-case has got to eventually do something, sometime, right?

Cons: He hasn't done anything yet, so until he does something, I'm not laying any cash that he will.

Jessica Jones: 15-1

Pros: Another of Bendis's pets. Really no other reason.

Cons: No.

Hawkeye: 16-1

Pros: Well, they had to have killed him and resurrected him for a reason, and they haven't given one yet. Plus, his blood-thirstiness in the latest issue seems to lead me to believe that they're going to do something with him.

Cons: It's Hawkeye, he's an ass. Who wants that guy to be the big hero?

Mephisto: 23-1

Pros: Well, he likes fuckin' around with human affairs and this is a biggie. He could exact a high cost. Marvel could probably sell and extra 50,000 copies to fanboys just so they could burn them (kerosene-soaked cover variant!).

Cons: Let's assume for one minute that Marvel doesn't want to piss off 90% of the people who buy their books, just for a minute.

The Retroactive Cannon: 1,865-1

Pros: It proves that someone remembers Dan Slott's run on She-Hulk.

Cons: Nope, that book was too good to get involved with this cluster-fuck.

Brother Voodoo: 1,000,000-1

Pros: I would think it was really cool.

Cons: Not gonna happen.

ZOMBIES: I refuse to give odds

Pros: Think of the marketing! Think of the variants!

Cons: Seriously Marvel, the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. Your addiction to Zombies is killing us. Think of the children, Marvel, think of the children!

OK, that's what I got right now. Internet, what do you think?


CalvinPitt said...

Hey, I want to see Hawkeye save the day! He's cool, and being an ass is just part of his charm. Besides, if a writer had me kill myself in the supremely imbecilic manner Bendis had him go out, I'd act like an ass too, once I got back.

More than that though, I want to see Nova save the day, because if he doesn't, they'll get comfy on Earth, then go on a universe-conquering spree that Nova will have to put the brakes on after much death, and damnit, he's not going through that again.

Zifnab said...

I'll put $5 down on the retroactive cannon and another $5 on random DC cross-over a la Amalgam.

Jason said...

calvinpitt: You know, if Hawkeye wanted to get all meta and go after Bendis, that, I wouldn't mind.

As for Nova, he was on my list, but I totally forgot about him. I have a feeling I may have to do an addendum post at some point.

zifnb: Please note, these odds are for amusement purposes only, as I don't want any Vegas Heavies showing up at my door for bogarting their action. However, I was going to put a Marvel/DC crossover on there, but I found the odds to be too astronomical (another reason why I won't take your bet).

Jim Doom said...

Great stuff. I've found myself just instinctively not even trying to guess these things anymore.