Programming Note

First let's start off with a joke, though Mike Sterling already made the most obvious one earlier this week:



This costume should really come with a Salacious Crumb* that you can velcro to your chest for added amusement/shame. Or better yet, a harness and S.C. infant costume so you can embarrass your child before they're even old enough to realize that you are making a fool out of them.

Anyway, I'm going to make a concerted effort to get some real content up this week, I've even got a few posts in the hopper already, but the mass of posts that have died during the editing stage cast doubts on even my best of intentions. But dammit, I will do this thing, and it will be good**.

*Oops, I'm sorry, apparently his full name is Salacious B. Crumb. Phoning It In Industries regrets the error.

**Or at least vaguely acceptable.

Late to the Party

I've had this blog post sitting in my drafts for a few days, unfortunately, I hate blogging about music, since it's something I have a hard time putting into words, more so for things that I really like. Anyway, it all started when Johnny Bacardi, Matt Springer and I were discussing Jay Bennett's solo work, something I had been pretty unaware of until the last week or so. Then, yesterday I started to see some rumors on twitter, and finally last night I saw my fears were verified on Jim Derogatis's blog. Jay Bennett was dead at age 45.

I was a big fan of Wilco back in the mid-to-late 90's. I saw them a bunch of times (living in their home-town and all) and Summerteeth and the first Mermaid Avenue album rate pretty high on my desert island discs list. However, after the Yankee Hotel Foxtrot fiasco, they fell into the same hole that Radiohead fell into for me. While the ponderous, experimental music both bands have been creating after their popularity peeked may be more artistically rewarding for them, but I much preferred when both bands rocked. Since then, I've kind of listened to each new release with less and less interest.

After our conversations, I picked up Jay Bennett & Edward Burch's The Palace at 4AM (Part 1), used off of amazon (as it looks to be out of print)*, as Bennett's time with the band coincided with the peak of my interest and I was justly rewarded. It's kind of funny that I was completely unaware that Bennett was even releasing solo music, considering that this disc is 7 years old. The album itself is just great. Heavy on Brian-Wilsonesque orchestration and lyrics that I find very similar to Elvis Costello's (it helps that some of the vocals sound like him too). It's pretty much a perfect album to throw on while sitting outside this summer, enjoying a frosty beverage. Here are two of my favorite tracks, first up is one of the more Costello-ish cuts:

Jay Bennett & Edward Burch - Whispers or Screams

Next, is one of the best rockers on the album:

Jay Bennett & Edward Burch - Drinking on Your Dime

Obviously, it's pretty terrible that Bennett passed away, from what I've read, he's had a pretty tough go of it the last few years, but things were starting to look up. I look forward to getting into more of his catalog, but I'll feel bad that I won't get a chance to see him live.

*Looks like most of his stuff is available on eMusic (with a few tracks unavailable) and they're also up on Amazon for pretty cheap (though that may change). Also, his most recently released album, Whatever Happened, I Apologize is currently available for free download.

Movie Review - Terminator: Salvation

I loved The Terminator, in the way that only a 12 year-old boy can when he just saw the most awesome R-rated movie he'd seen up till then. It was everything I wanted in a movie: time-travel, guns, robots, boobs, and explosions. By the time T2 rolled around, I was 17, and though I was excited, it just didn't push the same buttons, mostly because they didn't really exist anymore, or rather, I hadn't gotten mature enough to discover that some of the immaturity of youth was worth holding onto. For all of the ground-breaking effects in that movie, I never saw it as much more than a perfectly adequate sequel. We'll just ignore the third one, mostly because everyone else has.

Anyway, that all was just my way of saying that, while my inner 12 year-old was suitably chuffed for the latest movie, it just didn't hold the same vibe for me. Finding myself with a few hours to kill yesterday I said "what the hell" and checked out Terminator: Salvation. It was pretty darn good.

Ditching the time travel scenarios that have defined the previous three films (and the TV series), we start up after Judgment Day, with the machines thoroughly winning the battle against humanity. John Connor, rather than being the leader, at this point is simply middle-management in the resistance, screaming to anyone that'll listen that he's the one who's going to save them all. Some listen, some don't. After a disastrous mission in which all of his men are killed, Connor and the leadership discover they may have a way to finally win the war, and also discover that they're all on Skynet's hit list, though some kid named Kyle Reese is #1. Also during this mission, Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) finds himself among the ruins. During the prologue we met Wright on death row, signing his body over to Cyberdyne Systems. From there on we have two storylines, Wright's traveling through the post-apocalyptic landscape, meeting with Reese and trying to figure what's going on. And Connor, planning the attack, and also trying to find Reese on his own.

It's no secret that they all eventually meet up, and that Wright proves to be a terminator. But regardless, the plot is just something to keep the action scenes coming, and they do, at a pretty quick clip. It's all pretty cool, lots of big robots, blowing things up, and if that's what you want, you can't go wrong here. Sam Worthington's pretty darn good here, though his Australian accent does slip a few times, overall, he does well facing off against Bale. Christian Bale does the best that he can with what he has to work with, but it's not much. Essentially, he's asked to play Batman, without the Bruce Wayne scenes to bring some pathos to the character*. Connor is all gruff, grumbling anger, which, let's face it is to be expected in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.

Obviously, a lot of the character development of this movie has been left on the cutting room floor. Connor and his wife, played by Bryce Dallas Howard, have virtually no time together, and the baby she's obviously pregnant with is not even mentioned. Also, Wright strikes up a relationship with a pilot played by Moon Bloodgood, that had to have more to it originally than the few meaningful glances that are included in the movie.

Anyway, this movie is virtually all action, and it's all well done. Is there anything deep or meaningful to the movie? No, but there wasn't anything deep to the previous three, so why should that be held against this one? Star Trek** is still my favorite movie of the summer so far, but this one will do when you've gotten tired of seeing that one. McG proves himself to be a pretty darn good action director, but it still doesn't make up for the fact that he had a d-bag name and unleashed two Charlie's Angels flicks upon the world.

*FYI, this movie is 82% more awesome if you just go into it thinking that rather than a terminator movie, it is, in fact BATMAN VS. ROBOTS.

** Actually, Star Trek is my favorite of the year so far.

The Great Geek Disappointment of 1999

Hey everybody! Do you remember when this was the coolest, most exciting thing you had ever seen?



Well, that was 10 years ago yesterday, cause ten years ago today Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace came out and while we all tried to talk ourselves into loving it for a few months, we eventually admitted, despite a few moments of wonder, it was pretty crap. Anyway, if you don't plan to spend this dorkiest of anniversaries in a hazy, drunken stupor, I'd suggest popping over to Alert Nerd and down-loading Mat Springer's E-book, PooDoo: Bullshitting About Star Wars (1999-2009). I'm about half-way through so far and it's a hoot.

Random Comics Reviews: Solo Avengers Starring Hawkeye #17

OK, in order to jump-start this den of nothingness that I call a blog, I'm going to dive into my unorganized mess of back issues and randomly select and issue every week to read, review and quite possible ridicule (or praise).
Tonight's offering is Solo Avengers Starring Hawkeye #17 from 1989. It's hard to believe that back in the day that West Coast Avengers was such a hit that it spawned its own spin-off starring it most popular character. Each issue would feature a lead 11 page story starring Hawkeye, and other half would be given over to a tale starring another past or current Avenger.

The lead story, titled, I shit you not, "Even an Octopus Needs Arms!" written by Tom DeFalco with art by Al Milgrom & Don Heck features everyone's favorite purple-attired hero checking in on an anonymous tip called into Avengers mansion about an arms deal. Upon arrival, he's greeted by the recently reformed Sandman, who is casing the joint for his job with Silver Sable and decided he needed some back-up, thus Hawkeye.

Anyway, needless to say, things go sideways when Doctor Octopus shows up and the boys decide to bust some heads. From there, it's a few pages of the heroes bantering while trying to catch the bad guys and eventually losing them all because they're too busy trying not to get killed (well, at least on Hawkeye's part, that is).
The only truly interesting part of it is this panel:

Where Hawkeye references the hearing aids he got after suffering some damage, as he said, "months ago", despite the series being referenced having been published a full six years before. Damn, time moves slowly in the Marvel Universe.

Next up, we have a quick tale starring the Sub-Mariner by Danny Fingeroth and Dave Cockrum. Apparently Namor's looking for the children of his recently deceased wife, Marina. Whilst swimming about the ocean, he happens along a family who were thrown from their boat and he saves them and brings them back to land. Moved by the poverty that they live in, he gives them the gold that he just happens to be carrying with him*.

Anyway, continuing his search, he comes upon Power Man & Iron Fist's old office building which the Beyonder turned to gold and then was promptly sunk in the ocean by the government so it wouldn't tank the entire world's gold market. How's that for a bit of heavy continuity injection for ya? Namor, grudgingly agreeing with the Henry Peter Gyrich-wannabe** he's got to deal with heads out and agrees not to tell anyone about his lucrative find.

As he swims away, he passes a stealth submarine, manned by Goldbug, a super-villain I had only previously thought had existed in a Spider-Man Hostess pie ad***, stealing the gold building. Anyway, after we get treated to Dave Cockrum's Many Emotions of Namor:

He decides to do the right thing and mess up a C-list villain and get yelled at by the same government jackass, thus souring him once again on the human race.

Overall, it's pretty much the definition of adequate superhero comics in the late 1990's. Well worth my $.75, but not much more. Thanks for reading my rants concerning this weeks random folly of my youth, tune in ext week to see what I found lurking in the comics boxes in my basement.

*To apparently pay off a class action suit he had recently lost. This is a book I want: The Biggest Legal Battles of the Marvel Universe. I want action....LEGAL ACTION.

**This Guy:



















***Which apparently I had imagined, I just spent nearly an hour looking for the damned thing on Seanbaby, and couldn't find it. If you happen upon an old school Hostess ad featuring Goldbug, drop me a note, just to show I'm not crazy....at least about this.

Movie Review: Star Trek

I've gotta say that I was impressed. I've never been the biggest Star Trek fan, the original that is. In college, I archived the perfect balance of free time and alcohol abuse that made Next Generation my favorite series for a couple years there, but Kirk, Spock and crew just never connected for me. I enjoyed the better of the movies (how can you deny Wrath of Khan?) , but it just never meant that much to me. So I approached the new movie hesitantly, but I wasn't overly concerned with J.J. Abrahms "crapping on my childhood" or anything like that. Hell, if I was going to try to sell a Trek movie to the general public, I'd do the same thing, start with what everyone know, Kirk, Spock & "Beam me up Scotty!"

So the movie, for an origin story it zips right a long. Starting with Jim Kirk's birth and his Father's death. From there, we get some parallel stories of Kirk & Spock's upbringing, meant to highlight the fact that they grew up outsiders. This is really the only part that kind of fell flat for me. While Spock's story works well, Kirk's only illustrated to me that he was a mouthy little kid who needed a good slap. Plus, that kid looked nothing like Chris Pine.

Anyway, things move quickly from there, getting Kirk etal. through Starfleet Academy via a quick, "Three Years Later"* title and getting us to Kirk's victory over the Kobayashi Maru scenario, which was pretty damn funny. I do like that while Chris Pine nails Kirk's cocky, self-assurance, he's the only one of the actors that didn't attempt to mimic their predecessor's acting style/character tics. It would have been very easy for him to fall into mimicking Shatner's stilted line-readings and that just would've been horrible. The rest of the gang is just great, though I would have preferred a little more of Simon Pegg's Scotty, but hey, you can't get everything you want. All of the characters are given something to so, something that comes from their character and that's the best thing about it, the characters join hand in hand witht he whiz-bang effects to make this just a fantastic film.

The biggest down-fall of the film overall is its villain. Eric Bana gives it a try, though he varies from being the hard-ass, tough-guy, to playing one scene with cocky sarcasm, but he's just kind of there to give something for our heroes to bounce off of. When the sequel comes, I have a feeling they'll have to put a little more effort into the challenge the Enterprise faces.

Overall, I loved this movie, in fact, I plan to see it again tomorrow. Though there are still a few movies coming out this summer that I'm eager to see, I doubt that any of them will rival this one. Now, when's the damn sequel coming out?

*My biggest disappointment about my viewing experience is that the theater mis-framed the picture of the movie, so all of the titles bled off into the curtains. It would have been nice to see the whole thing.

Hey Kids! New Art!

Many moons ago, Les McClaine, superb artist and co-creator of favorite indie-comic (and TV show) The Middleman, was offering to do commissions. This was so many moons ago in fact, that I had forgotten that I had bought one. So much to my pleasant surprise, I found a large envelope on my doorstep with my Iron Fist commission inside, check it out:

Also, since I'm a wonderful person, there was a small portrait of Luke Cage as well:

He also threw in copies of his Repeat Until Death comic-strip collection and the Evil Space Robot mini-comic. So yeah, I'm pretty stoked, maybe this will get me of my ass to get these and my other two portraits framed now, one can only hope.

Anyway, I highly recommend keeping an eye on Mr. McClaine's web site, EvilSpaceRobot to see when he next is offering commissions, and also follow his excellent web-comic, Johnny Crossbones.

FREE COMIC BOOK DAY: $%#@ YEAH!

So it came to pass that Free Comic Book Day has descended upon us once more, on this absolutely beautiful (at least in the Chicago-area) Saturday in May. I headed over to my local comic shop to check out the wares and was not disappointed with the selection and there was already quite a crowd, even though I arrived just a few minutes after opening. Skottie Young, artist on Marvel's adaptation of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was already signing and doing sketches, so I quickly jumped in line. Chris Mitten, artist on the very good Wasteland, soon joined him. I managed to get something signed by each of them, along with these two sketches:

First, I had no idea what to get, since I didn't expect them to be doing sketches, so I didn't think about it ahead of time or bring any reference material (or even a sketch-book). Fortunately, I overheard Skottie Young saying that he had just finished re-reading NextWave, so I immediately knew I needed a sketch of Machine Man:


Next, I asked Chris Mitten to draw Michael, from Wasteland:


Both of the guys were great to talk to and I'd highly recommend seeking them out if they're at a convention near you.

Amazing Fantasy did their usual bang-up job with the event and everyone had good things to say about them, I love that shop and it's nice that I've never had to shop at a crappy comics shop in my life.

As for the comics themselves, I'd highly recommend picking up the Atomic Robo book, the short story contained within is a hoot and worth the (no) money for the last page alone. DC's Blackest Night #0 is OK, pretty much a trailer for the upcoming event, but there's still some nice interaction between Hal Jordan and Barry Allen in there, actually, it was better than Flash: Rebirth #1 in that respect, but I don't know if that's a function of this book being that good, or that book being that bad. Marvel's Avengers book is a fun little story and is good for bringing people up to speed on the current clusterfuck that is Avengers continuity, it's a good example of taking a crappy status quo and spinning an OK story out of it.

So anyway, it's still reasonably early on this most comic-booky of holidays, so if you can, get out there and get yourself some comics! Buy some too!

Whatever Happened To The Caped Crusader?

I guess I Always knew that this was how it was going to end. That we didn't have him forever. That one day, someone would say, "Hey Jim. Whatever happened to the Caped Crusader?" I'd tell the, "Pretty much what you'd expect. He's dead."
-Commissioner Gordon

So after a few months of delay, the second part of Neil Gaiman & Andy Kubert's two-part requiem for Batman has been published, and from what I've seen it's being met with a collective "meh.." Which is pretty much how I felt, but after thinking about it, I've figured out the problem with the book, and now I think I like it quite a bit.

***Spoilers Ahead***

But let's begin at the beginning, the story (which is better read in one sitting) envisions a ghostly Batman, along with an eventually-identified woman, peering down at his own funeral, watching both his allies and enemies each eulogizing him and giving different accouts of his death. Some of the deaths are brave, so are inconsequential. Through all of these stories, we get the essence of what The batman is, he never gives up, he always saves the day (even if it means his ldeath), and that there is always a Batman. Mirroring Alan Moore's Superman tale, "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow", we find Batman moving onto his reward* But unlike Superman's final reward (to live a normal life as a human, with Lois and child), Batman's reward is to simply be Batman, as if this is all he can imagine and his reqard is to be reborn again and spend a happy few years as a child with his parents again until their murder, which he knows cannot be prevented.

There are good moments in the book, even some that are truly powerful, such as Harvey Bullock's eulogy:






However, I ended up having four issues with the book, and they're all kind of interrelated.

1. The title automatically ties it into "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow", probably one of the most iconic Superman stories of the last 30 years. By joining them like that, you're setting the book up to fail if it doesn't live up to something that's almost impossible to live up to.

2. Batman's not dead. Sure, everyone thinks he is, but as we saw at the end of Final Crisis, he's been shunted to stone age, or on an alternate Earth (or both). Yes, I know that's not really the point and this could very well be an Imaginary Story (aren't they all?), but it leads to a certain cognitive dissonance. When Man of Tomorrow was put out, it was the end of an era, whereas no one really believes that Bruce Wayne is going to be gone much longer than Steve Rogers has been(two years, and counting, but it looks like he's back in July).

3. Andy Kubert, while a very good artist, just isn't an iconic Batman artist, and to lend this book some gravitas, that's what it needed. Man of Tomorrow, had Curt Swan (with inks by George Perez), and really, there's no more iconic Superman artist than Swan. Kubert's good, but can you imagine if they'd gotten Neal Adams? Or hell, while I'm wishing, Jim Apparo?

4. And that brings me to the last issue with this book, it wasn't published 25 years ago, at the same time as "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow", that book was put out as a capper to Superman's silver age, essentially giving that Superman a send-off before he was rebooted by Man of Steel. I really think that's the proper way to look at this book. The myriads of deaths presented are the deaths of the infinite numbers of Batmen as the multiverse collapsed into itself at the end of Crisis on Infinite Earths and the Bruce Wayne, who is re-born at the end, is the new Batman of the re-booted DC Universe following Crisis. When I think of it that way the book works for me. The idea that the collective Batmen (Batmans?), though different, all had the same ultimate goal and the same, final reward.

Anyway, it is well done, Gaiman's writing does carry the story, and though I think it would have been better served to have been all published at once (or at least without the giant delay), I think the book accomplished what it set out to do, and it does work as a complimentary volume to Man of Tomorrow, but I just don't think it will ever be seen that way, but you never know.

*I find it interesting that while most of Superman's friends died trying to save him in Man of Tomorrow and he gets to live happily ever after. While in Batman's story, he's the one who pays the price to save everyone, including his enemies.

Live Tonight: Robyn Hitchcock & The Venus 3

This is one of those shows that I was excited for as much for hte band, as I was for the venue, the Church of the Epiphany in the West Loop, but alas, they've been forced to move the show to the Logan Square Auditorium, but I'm still stoked, none the less. Hitchcock is an artist I've been a fan of ever sine "So You Think You're In Love" was playing on 120 minutes back in the early 90's, but I've never made it out to see him, and from what I hear, his shows with the Venus 3 (featuring R.E.M.'s Peter Buck, amongst others) are barn-burners, so I'm sure to have a good time. Here's a song from their first album together, Ole' Tarantula:



Both Ole Tarantula ad their current album, Goodnight Oslo, are available on eMusic.

Happy Easter

I know it's late, but it's still the thought that counts.



Hope everybody had a good holiday!

Live Tonight: XTC (kinda)

Over the next few days, an astonishing 4 close, dear friends of mine will pass from the shores of youth into the Greyhavens of the grand age of 35. Fortunately, we've all been given the ample venue for this celebration of their passing into agedness, Tributosaurs, a Chicago collective that puts on monthly shows "as" other musicians, is putting on a show as long-time favorite XTC.

XTC has been a favorite of mine for years, so long that I can't really even pin-point when I started enjoying their music, though I do remember stealing my brother's cassette tape of Mummer way back in the day. Regardless, I've been a fan for just about as long as I knew what type of music that I actually liked and it's nice that I'll finally get to see their music played live, even if not by them. Though they're not exactly a going concern anymore, even if they were still putting out new music, I doubt we'd be seeing them anytime soon. Though it's long been rumored that extreme stage fright keeps lead-singer-songwriter Andy Partridge* off the stage, I think it's because he just doesn't like doing it that much.

Anyhoo, the music itself is pretty much just pitch-perfect witty pop. I really hate writing about music because any effort I put into describing it just comes out sounding lame, so here's the Avengers-inspired video for The Mayor of Simpleton:



If you like what you hear, and you haven't yet been exposed to their majesty, I'd highly recommend picking up their Greatest Hits comp, Upsy Daisy Assortment**, really, in lieu of owning all of their releases, that's an album no collection should be without.

Anyway, needless to say, I'm going to be having a good time tonight, hope you are too.

*Incidentally, Andy Partridge also wrote and performed my all-time favorite TV theme-song for the woefully under appreciated Wonderfalls, I can't find the opening on youtube, but here's a link to the song itself.

**Which is apparently out of print, so you could do worse than to pick up the slightly more expensive, yet also more comprehensive Fossil Fuel singles collection. If you're looking for a single disc, grab Oranges & Lemons, still very good stuff there.

What I Got - 4.8.09

Oh man, what a crappy day, but hey, no day can be that crappy when it's nudie magazine day comics day! Anyway, figured I'd give a quick rundown of what I picked up:


Batman: Battle for the Cowl #2

Not quite as strong as the first issue, but I'd wager that's because it's th middle issue of a three issue series, all the cool stuff is going to happen in the next one. This really felt like it was moving the parts into place. Taking Damien off the bored and forcing Dick to feel a sense of responsibility over him. Moving the Black Mask's plan forward and setting up what seems to be a apocalyptic gang war in Gotham City. So overall, it's still pretty darn good, but all the real fireorks are being held off till next month. Crap.


Captain Britain & MI 13 #12

Speaking of not wanting to wait a month for that next issue...I had read the first 6 issues of this series and resolved to wait for the trade, but after picking up the first trade and reading the last few issues through *cough* *cough* other means I started picking this up again last month and hell, when you have Dracula and his vampire horde invading Britain via his castle on the bloody moon, well, it's just too cool to wait for. Anyway, this issue sets up some true hope for our heroes, only to see said hope crushed at the end. Paul Cornell and Leonard Kirk are doing some fantastic superhero comicing here and I'm glad I'm not missing it (though I could use a time-machine to get me to next month already).

OK, that's it for tonight. I'll try to get something up tomorrow on the other two books I picked up. Incidentally, if you get the hankering for some comics, head on over to The Action Age and check out the first issue of Chris Sims' epic, The Chronicles of Solomon Stone, it's good, real good.

Friday Night Linkage

Hey there folks, I've really been thinking about posting something this week, but man, have I been exhausted. Plus, after the blogosphereageddon that occurred on Monday, with the Alert Nerds' curation of the My Scott & Jean Event, I think the whole geeky internets has been pretty tired anyway.

Anyway, as I'm sure you know, this past week saw April Fool's Day come and go, which is pretty high on my list of fake holidays that I cannot stand, but usually, there's one joke/prank pulled that sticks around either because it was so good or so bad. This year there was one, that was only bad because it was fake, ThinkGeek's Tauntaun sleeping bag:

Yes, a product so truly awesome that they are now attempting to make it a reality. I'm totally buying ones for me and the boys if that happens (yes, they are making them in adult sizes).

In other internet geekiness, part of the reason my blogging regularity has declined is Twitter, I've been wasting spending a lot of time there interacting with fellow colleagues, and...well, it got shamefully geeky the other day. Fortunately, twitter pal Scott Cederlund chose to preserve the conversation for all time, and yeah, it really was rather sad.

In other Twitter conversation news, ms park has taken it upon herself to utilize it as a random poll generating tool. Here's the results of the first few, and though I forgot to mention it in a follow up, I'd totally go with Paris Hilton, because, well, at the end of the day, I'd rather be stuck on an island with a girl.

Oh hey, if you happen to live in South Suburban Chicago, my local comics shop (and it's other locations) is having a pretty nice sale, so I'd recommend you swing on by. The Easter Bunny will even be there, if you're at the Frankfort location, you might get to watch him get messed up by a 3 year-old (I just mentioned that Sean could take him, and now everyone wants to see it).

So there you go, I'll go back to watching TV and you can go back to having a life, but I'll leave you with some music, here's something that's been a fave for a few years, and just never seems to leave the playlist (especially in the spring):

I Wanna Know Girls by Portastatic

Also, speaking of music, check out old friend Ditching Boy's blog as he's been going apeshit with the music bloggery of late.

With that, have a good night and I'll talk at you later.

My "Scott & Jean": "Trust Me!"

The fine folks over at Alert Nerd have decided to take an off hand comment made by one of the fine folks I follow on Twitter and turn it into a meme. When discussing something Batman related, Dan Faust made a comment that the subject in question was his"Scott & Jean", meaning a subject in which a person's passion/geekiness/**** veers from rationality and becomes something that you simply cannot talk about without swearing repeatedly and eventually having to either fold up in the fetal position or drink heavily (and quite possibly both). Let's face it, we all have one, even if it's not a geek related thing, be it about sports (anytime a person mentions the Cubs' "curse" I want to break something...or them), soap operas (Days without John & Marlena just ain't Days...) or whatever else we choose to obsess about, everyone has a breaking point.

As a true nerd, I'm sure I have several, but really there's one that so seemingly minor to most people, but it just sets me on edge, and of course it's all George Lucas's fault. Now, let's all face facts here people, the prequels just weren't made for us children of the 70's, and I've come to grips with that. But I still bitch about them from time to time, hell, I even got yelled at by Church a few weeks ago because I was complaining about how much Attack of the Clones sucked. But ultimately, I've let go of any residual anger about those movies and have even started enjoying them on their own merits (as long as you fast-forward through any of Hayden Christiansen's painful attempts at "acting"). No, my issues lie with the Special Edition re-releases of the original trilogy. Now when these were coming out, we all thought they were an excellent idea, new special effects, new scenes, how could this go wrong? Well, it did, the new effects, though state-of -the-art looked pretty cartoonish when compared to the 25 year-old effects of the original (hell, just look at Jabba in A New Hope SE, that is some bad-looking CGI). But you know, I rolled with it, under that polished veneer, the movies that had shaped my childhood were still there, but then I got to Return of the Jedi and I lost my shit. It was all due to this (go to 4:03 on the video):



Now,if you're wondering what's wrong with that, the original scene* was:

Lando: "Wait, I thought you were blind!"

Han: "Trust me!"

Now, Han's line has been replaced with:

Han: "It's allright, I can see a lot better!"

What the fuck Lucas Why the hell would you change such a perfect line that not only is so fucking Han Solo it's also Airwolf and it also hearkens to Indiana Jones. Why? Well, according to an interview I saw (can't remember if it was with Lucas or one of his lackeys) it was because they had a better audio track for this particular line reading than the old one so they went with it instead. So wait, with everything they have at their disposal, they can't loop one fucking line they can't clean up the audio. What the fuck is wrong with you people? This ultimately confirmed the thing I fear most about Lucas, he's no longer an artist, if he ever was one to begin with, he's now just a technician. A very good one, perhaps one of the best working today in movies, but he's lost the ability to create art he can only create bells and whistles that are certainly pretty and neat, they just don't have any life in them (once again, see the performances in the prequels), and that's what kills me, that's what makes me crazy and that, dear reader, is my Scott & Jean.

*FYI, I did mean to throw up the original scene, but the internets have failed me and it's not on youtube. I did give it the old college try at getting it on youtube myself, but I just couldn't do it, as I ama technological moron.

Big Box O' Love: March (Part 1)

Oh hey there, I guess I have a blog! Should get around to that "content" thing the kids are all talking about. Anyway, DCBS dropped this month's box off at my doorstep Friday, and here's a run-down of what I got.

Starman Omnibus Volume 2: I've made no secret that Starman is probably my favorite series ever, and this volume (and its place on the NYT best-seller list) just proves that it's worthy of my love.

Continuing on the first volume's collection of the entire series in chronological order, along with some stuff I didn't know existed (namely some Shade stories put out in the showcase books DC put out in the 90's), his book is just amazing. Though some of the coloring is a little dated, other than that, this is just a time-less book and I can't wait till I have the remaining four volumes in my hot little hands. By the way, anyone want to buy the first five trades of the series, cheap?


The Invincible Iron Man Volume 1: Finally, the first collection of Matt Fraction's take on Iron Man hits paperback and it's some good stuff. Though it does pay some lip-service to Tony Stark's post-Civil War place in the Marvel Universe as the head of S.H.I.E.L.D., this book feels more like the thematic sequel to Warren Ellis's Extremis story-line,, Stark dealing with the technology he designed as a weapon and trying to make it positively benefit the world. Being Fraction, he manages this actually better than Ellis did, having a much more decompressed story that's a much more satisfying read. Bringing back Zeke Stane, who he introduced in his tragically short-lived series The Order to plague Stark, Fraction tells a good story, though I never really got Stane's motivations, or maybe he just had too many (Daddy-issues, inferiority complex, terminal asshole-itis). Salvador Larocca's art was very good, reminiscent of Adi Granov's work on the previously mentioned Extremis arc, but it had a little more life to it, probably because it was drawn instead of CG. Overall, a solid, well-done book.


Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 1: Another book I've been waiting for in soft-cover for freaking ever, this collects the first six issues. Really, this book is a lot of fun, spinning out of Annihilation Conquest, Peter Quill and his cohorts (including Rocket Raccoon, who is, for some bizarre reason, one of my favorite characters, ever) are on a rather ill-defined mission to seal space-time fissures throughout the cosmos. Using Knowhere, the hollowed-out head of a dead Celestial that hangs on the event horizon of the (literal) end of the universe, as their home-base, the team deals with religious extremists, their own inter-group squabbles and the creeping tendrils of the Secret Invasion. I actually dropped collecting this book monthly when they got sucked into Secret Invasion, but I shouldn't have been so hasty seeing how they ultimately dealt with the situation, which was pretty ingenious on the part of the writers (Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning, two writers who are no strangers to cosmic scale superheroics). Once again, Paul Pelletier puts in some very good work, it's a shame that his art doesn't get talked about more, between his work here, on Nova and on Fantastic Four he's proved he's got some serious chops.

So that's the first part, let's see if I can actually get through the other two books I got and get a Part 2 up tomorrow.

Because I'm bored....

Consider this payback for the chicken purse.

A Sorcerer Supreme You Can Believe In

It has come to our attention here at Phoning It In Industries (NYSE: PI3) that The Bendis has decried that the Marvel Universe's current Sorcerer Supreme, Dr. Strange, is to be laid off replaced with what the young ruffians are currently referring to as the "new hotness". Now some people have made some hay of who the choices are and have thrown their considerable (mostly panda-based) weight behind, what we think to be, a lesser candidate.

While our distinguished colleagues in blogging would gladly hand of the title of Sorcerer Supreme over to a young lady who has done well for herself in both the worlds of modeling and super-heroics (though slightly less-so in the world of marriage), young Miss Walker, though lucky in some of her magical dealing, is just not fully prepared for the responsibility of dealing with magical threats to the earthly plane, that's why we here at Phoning It In are throwing our support behind:

ELSA BLOODSTONE

Quite simply Miss Bloodstone has been preparing all her life for the mantle of being Earth's Sorcerer Supreme. Trained from childhood by her (rather deranged) father, Ulysses Bloodstone, first by defeating the Blight Beast with nothing but a spoon as a baby to circumcising the hideous felch-monster of Bihar Province with the same (now rather worse-for-the-wear) spoon moments later.* She proved herself in a mini-series that no one has read. She proved herself by defeating (along with her team, NextWave) the forces of H.A.T.E. I mean, has Miss Walker defeated the combined forces of a Baby M.O.D.O.K. and Devil Dinosaur? We think not. Plus, she's English, they're totally classier that your lame-ass Alaskan chicks.

Vote for Elsa Bloodstone to be your Sorcerer Supreme, she's your only hope (at least until Dr. Strange comes back sometime next year).

*Come to think of it, I really hope they threw that spoon out.

Battlestar Galatcica: Happy Endings

I'm coming to the realization that Battlestar Galactica could very well be my favorite TV series, ever and it's making me wonder why I've been feeling more and more ambivalent as the last few episodes have been unspooling. They've certainly been good, and I'm sure part of it is that while they're giving call-backs to past episodes and kind of reveling in the idea that, "well, we're not going to be in this corridor ever again, we might was well give it a send-off" we all just want to know how it ends. The biggest thing is that we want someone, anyone in this Olympics of Despair to have a happy ending. That's what this show has been about since the first nuke exploded over Caprica, a happy ending for the human race, and short of the ONE TRUE GOD coming down, that's not going to happen for most of the cast we've come to love, let's give a quick run-down:

President Roslin: They might as well be wheeling her around in a coffin for the next three episodes.

Adama: Will not survive. Because letting him live after both* of his true loves are gone is too much for the Old Man to bear. Speaking of his other true love....

Col. Tigh: Is it me or has this whole series been about Tigh? It' like he's the very definition of human fallibility and also of our nobility. Just an amazing character...which kinda sucks because the dude is screwed. There's no way he can have a happy ending, because his two loves are going to be eternally in conflict and other than Adama his other love....

Ellen Tigh: Has been set up as the fall guy lady for the whom all of Man's/Cylon's sins will eventually rest. Ellen will eventually do something noble, but she's fucked (as is most everyone else...keep going).

Boomer: Effectively damned herself with her abduction of Hera, unless she and Tyrol can somehow end up boxed together in the Barbie-dream-house she imagined for them. Speaking of...

Galen Tyrol: Yeah, without Boomer, dudes just a fat, single dad who can fix the hell outta a Viper. That's no happy ending.

Baltar: Let's face it, if this dude gets a happy ending, it's no happy ending for us. I like Baltar, the flashes of brilliance he used to get himself out of tight scrapes are just amazing at times, but eventually, he's going to be made to pay.

Tori: She was once really hot, then she got all Cylon and bitchy. Go away...no happy ending for you.

Hot Dog: Who the fuck cares about Hot Dog?

Anders: Well, it doesn't look good, figuring dude's got a bullet lodged in his brain and he's a Speak n' Spell right now, but, obviously he's going to have a major part to play coming up in the end seeing as how he's married to...

Starbuck: who is obviously the crux who the whole thing is revolving around (though I've never found her that interesting). However, no matter what she is, no matter what happens to her, she's probably not going to be happy, since she love both Anders and....

Lee Adama: Who has shown himself to be both bad-ass and milquetoast throughout the series. Hopefully our man will get a chance to shine in the next two weeks, but I just don't see him settling down with Starbuck and having little cigar-chomping, lawyers with her. He's dooooommmmedddddd.

Helo, Athena & Little Hera: They're it. These three are the only ones with a chance of redemption at the end, the only ones who have not betrayed their friends, whose trespasses are forgivable, who have kept the faith. At the end of the series, humanity/cylonity will rest upon this family and they are all we have.

Well, them and the hopes of a scene featuring Adama and Roslin going to work on Cavill with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. But that's probably too much to hope for. What do you think?

Batman: Battle for the Cowl

Picked up a bunch of books this week, but I think I'll split the ones I want to talk about into a few posts. Anyhoo, up first is Batman: Battle for the Cowl #1:

So Batman's dead, or stuck int he past, or trapped on an alternate Earth....whatever, dude's not around so the shit is hitting the fan in Gotham City. The criminal element has felt the absence of Batman and is taking full advantage. Nightwing has pulled in all of the reserves to cover the crisis and they're holding, barely. But a new Batman is appearing on the scene, brutally bringing down criminals, leading Robin to believe that someone from the inner circle has to take up the mantle.

I've gotta say, Tony Daniel really does a good job with this book. After reading his workman-like art during Grant Morrison's run on Batman, I was doubtful that his writing would be much batter, but he has seemed to really nail the characters (with one reservation). Robin narrates the whole story, and his voice is very well done. The art is serviceable, not bad, but still a little sketchy in places.

The only real issue I had was Damien's characterization. While Daniel gets the spoiled rich kid thing with him, I always saw him as being much more unflappable. The kids too much of a dick to let his opponents see fear on him, plus the little fucker's lethal. It just seems like the plot required him to behave that way, and thus, he did.

Anyway, it was pretty darn good, and after all of the Final Crisis stuff, astonishingly straight-forward. I'm looking forward to the next two issues, hopefully they'll come out at a reasonable clip.